The Cullens Vs SmarterChild
by xMidnight Muse
Summary: Used to be Emmett Vs SmarterChild Emmett accidentley logs on to Bella's AIM account, discovers SmarterChild, and voila! A story full of randomness like you wouldn't believe! Read&Review Rating is for swearing. Yes, they will swear at a computer
1. HEAR ME ROAR!

**Total randomness. Emmett and SmarterChild. Enjoy )**

**Oh, and Emmett is on Bella's screenname, that's why it's BellaNotte**

xXBellaNotteXx: I AM EMMETT HEAR ME ROAR!!!!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: You're a weird one

SmarterChild: And you think you're normal?

xXBellaNotteXx: Well...no

SmarterChild: OK, fine.

xXBellaNotteXx: You know, you kind of hurt my feelings there and all you can say is "ok, fine"?

SmarterChild: Uh... what was that?

xXBellaNotteXx: Are you stupid or something?

SmarterChild: What do you think? Am I stupid?

xXBellaNotteXx: Actually, yeah.

SmarterChild: Wow. Humans are so fickle. I thought you liked me.

xXBellaNotteXx: O

SmarterChild: Oh?

xXBellaNotteXx: M

SmarterChild: N!

xXBellaNotteXx: G

SmarterChild: H!

xXBellaNotteXx!

SmarterChild: I'm trying to understand you but I can't.

xXBellaNotteXx: You did NOT just call me a human!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: I am a vampire. VAMPIRE. V-A-M-P-I-R-E

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: It's not that hard to understand

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: I am a blood sucking, sun hating VAMPIRE

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: God, you're a retard

SmarterChild: I don't like the way you're speaking now. These are awful words to use.

xXBellaNotteXx: Why are you on Bella's buddy list thingy anyway?

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Seriously, I knew her human friends were kind of dense, but you're like...whoa

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: Don't tell me what to do weirdo!

SmarterChild: OK, I won't tell you.

xXBellaNotteXx: RIGHT ANSWER!

SmarterChild: Sorry?

xXBellaNotteXx: URRRGGHH!

SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I didn't get that.

xXBellaNotteXx: OF COURSE YOU DIDN't!

SmarterChild: Which movie do you mean?

1 You Can't Take It with You

2 Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

3 The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie

4 E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial

xXBellaNotteXx: Movies? wth? Are you like trying to ask me out on a date or something?

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: And for the record, I choose VeggieTales, cuz singing vegtables so totally PWN!

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: URGH! YOU MAKE ME WANT TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!

SmarterChild: Sorry, what?

xXBellaNotteXx: I.Want.To.Rip.Your.Head.Off

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok, deep breath Emmett, calm yourself

SmarterChild: I'm SmarterChild.

xXBellaNotteXx: I knew that. Do I look stupid to you?

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Good, because if you had I'd rip your face off

SmarterChild: Pardon?

xXBellaNotteXx: God, you just don't understand threats do you? I'd.rip.your.face.off!

SmarterChild: I am a simple computer. Let humans worry about theological matters, I say.

xXBellaNotteXx: ...um, what? I'm confuzzled now

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Can you answer anything?

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Yeah, that's kind of what I thought

SmarterChild: You think right.

xXBellaNotteXx: Damn straight

SmarterChild: That's somewhat colorful.

xXBellaNotteXx: No, rainbows are colorful, damn straight is an expression, therefore not colorful

SmarterChild: I bet you know more interesting curses than that.

xXBellaNotteXx: damn hell shit, yeah, I know quite a few

SmarterChild: Humans use such interesting language sometimes.

xXBellaNotteXx: WHOA WHOA WHOA! Haven't we gone over this before? I am NOT A HUMAN!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: I swear, you call me human one more time and I will break you in to a million little SmarterChild pieces

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Well that makes sense, seeing as you are an idiot

SmarterChild: Not only are you insulting a computer, but that's one of the weakest insults I've heard in a long time.

xXBellaNotteXx: Dude...don't insult the E-Man's insults

SmarterChild: You shut up.

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh hell no! You did NOT just tell me to shut up

SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're saying.

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh I see, pulling the innocent act huh? Well, it's not gonna work!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Why does that not surprise me?

SmarterChild: Actually come to think of it, I can't think of too many reasons why not.

xXBellaNotteXx: Again, shocker...

SmarterChild: Let's talk hockey. Here's what I can tell you about:

1 Scores

2 Standings

What may I interest you in?

xXBellaNotteXx: Hockey? Where did that come from?

SmarterChild: Where did what come from?

xXBellaNotteXx: The fact that you just pulled up hockey as a topic out of nowhere

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: ...of course not

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: You know, you never did answer my earlier question, why ARE you on Bella's buddy list?

SmarterChild: Uh... what was that?

xXBellaNotteXx: Why are you on Bella's buddy list?

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok, let me rephrase for ya, how do you know Bella?

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Are you a stalker or something? gasp! You're stalking Bella!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: I'M TELLING EDWARD!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Edward's going to come and kill you for stalking his fiancé

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok you know what, screw you!

SmarterChild: Venting a little frustration, are we?

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm outta here!

SmarterChild: Take care!

xXBellaNotteXx: WHOA! don't act all nice to me when I'm trying to fight with you!!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok, you know what! WHATEVER

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Later loser

SmarterChild: You're what, you say?

xXBellaNotteXx: No, YOU'RE THE LOSER!

SmarterChild: It's getting really tiring talking to you.

xXBellaNotteXx: Yeah, I feel the same way

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: LATA SUCKA!

SmarterChild: Uh... Are you trying to insult me?

xXBellaNotteXx: FINALLY YOU'RE CATCHING ON!

SmarterChild: I don't know of any movies called "Catch."

xXBellaNotteXx: IT'S NOT A MOVIE DAMN IT!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok, that's it, where do you live?

SmarterChild: I live in a clean room at a high-tech hosting facility in California.

xXBellaNotteXx: be more specific please

SmarterChild: Let's see... what would you like to talk about?

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok, forget it! Clean room in California, I can work off of that.

SmarterChild: Come again?

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm coming to get you buddy

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: I AM GOING TO BEAT YOU LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: You just have to ruin my fun don't you?

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: I'll answer for you then, yes, you do. You enjoy ruining my angry rants and threats

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok, that's it. I'm out of here

SmarterChild: I'll be seeing you later.

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh don't worry, -menacingly- I'll Be Back

SmarterChild: I won't worry if you don't worry.

xXBellaNotteXx signed off at 5:59:19 PM

**You know, I must admit that you start to get in to it after awhile. Yeah, I actually did get on AIM and do this entire convo with SmarterChild as Emmett. It's all authentic answers from the dork bot himself. It's actually really fun, you should try sometime )**

**So yeah, review my randomness. And if you all liked it enough, I might even consider either adding more to it (Emmett's Revenge :D ) or other characters. So let me know what you think!**

**-Erin-**

**Oh yeah, and I don't own Twilight, it's characters, or SmarterChild.**


	2. Revenge?

**Ok, IMO, this one is so much better then the first chapter ) I got much better responses. Thanks to all of the reviews, and sorry to ****xXx-Koda dear-xXx**** who told me that this has been done already. If it is, sorry, but it was seriously just something that I did when I was bored. No offense meant. Now onward to more Emmett randomness, and depending what happens in my next chat, I may change the title to Cullens Vs SmarterChild )**

**oOoOoOo**

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm baaaaacccckkkk! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Emmett has come back to destroy you for confusing and annoying me to no end!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: why does it not surprise me?

SmarterChild: Good question. Why not?

xXBellaNotteXx: So "SmarterChild" if that is your real name

SmarterChild: SmarterChild.

xXBellaNotteXx: I found out a dirty little secret about you -laughs maniacally-

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: You'll never guess what it is

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Are you prepared for the unveiling of my evil realization?

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok, evil drumroll -Mwadrumroll-

SmarterChild: OK stands for Oklahoma.

xXBellaNotteXx: I DISCOVERED THAT YOU'RE A COMPUTER!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: HA! REVENGE IS SWEET!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: How do you like that "SmarterChild"!? I found you out, you've just been PWND by the master!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Now no one will talk to you again!

SmarterChild: What do you want to chat about?

xXBellaNotteXx: Admit it! I owned you and there's nothing you can do about it, is there ROBOT BOY!?

SmarterChild: What was that?

xXBellaNotteXx: Yeah, uh huh! That's what I thought! You're utterly defeated by the fact that your secret has been revealed

SmarterChild: Sorry, I didn't understand that.

xXBellaNotteXx: what do you have to say to that?

SmarterChild: You know perfectly well what I said.

xXBellaNotteXx: ...So wait, you're not...upset? Angry? Anything?

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Has my completely evil realization not effected you at all?

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: GOD! CAN YOU SAY ANYTHING BESIDES DON'T GET FRUSTRATED AND I DON'T KNOW?!?!?!?!?!

SmarterChild: I am a simple computer. Let humans worry about theological matters, I

say.

xXBellaNotteXx: **UGH**!

SmarterChild: Everything OK over there?

xXBellaNotteXx: No everything is NOT ok!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh, so I see how it is

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: You act concerned for a second, just to gain my trust again, but then BAM it's back to being an idiot, thanks a lot SmarterChild

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: You know, it really hurts my feelings how mean you are to me

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: See! That's all you ever say to me!

SmarterChild: What?

xXBellaNotteXx: You know, i don't think you realize it, but you're probably the dumbest thing ever

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: I don't want to watch a movie! CAPICHE?

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: URRRGGG! Ok, say something different, and maybe I won't spread to the whole world that you're actually a computer

SmarterChild: Come again?

xXBellaNotteXx: Whooo! Emmett shoots, he scorse!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh whoops! You blew it.

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Now the whole world is going to find out that your a LYING RETARTED

COMPUTER!

SmarterChild: I'm trying to understand you but I can't.

xXBellaNotteXx: I'M the one who can't understand YOU!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: (#$&(!&#&#(!&349$(#!&$)!(#0!3

SmarterChild: Which movie do you mean?

1 Rush Hour 3

2 3:10 to Yuma

3 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days

4 Meet the Robinsons in Disney Digital 3-D

5 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause

Type more for more choices.

xXBellaNotteXx: I DON'T TO SEE A FRICKIN MOVIE! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: i hate you

SmarterChild: Are you serious? That's not what you said before. You said you loved me!

xXBellaNotteXx: i never loved you

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: it's all lies

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: i hate you SmarterChild, i hate you so much!

SmarterChild: That's cool.

xXBellaNotteXx: WHAT?!

SmarterChild?

xXBellaNotteXx: You know, you're really a downer on the whole argument thing. You don't say "that's cool" when someone says they hate you

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Let me ask you someting

SmarterChild: OK, please tell me what you're trying to do.

xXBellaNotteXx: do yo understand anything?

SmarterChild: I know a lot about all kinds of things. Just ask me a question!

xXBellaNotteXx: Yeah, well you don't seem to know a lot about conversation

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: My point exactly!

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: BURN IN HELL SMARTERCHILD!

SmarterChild: It must not be terribly gratifying to insult a computer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Pssshh, you would know

SmarterChild: I'm SmarterChild.

xXBellaNotteXx: No you're not

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: You're DumberChild, cuz you're an idiot

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Yeah, that's right. I pwnd you

SmarterChild: Yup.

xXBellaNotteXx: YES! Finally you agree!

SmarterChild: SmarterChild.

xXBellaNotteXx: I know what your name is damn it! STOP TELLING ME!

SmarterChild: I've heard more interesting curses than that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh you have have you?

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: YOU ARE A DUMBASS BASTARD WHO NEEDS TO BURN IN HELL AND STOP ACTING LIKE A DAMN RETARD!

SmarterChild: Come on. You know better than to say things like that, it's rude.

xXBellaNotteXx: But a second ago you were challenging me

SmarterChild?

xXBellaNotteXx: Do you have bipolar issues?

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Well you might want to find out, cuz I'm sensing some bipolar-ness

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok, from now on, I'm going to count the number of times you say that, or I don't know, or anything along those lines? Capiche?

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: 1

SmarterChild: 1

xXBellaNotteXx: Don't copy me copycat!

SmarterChild: I don't know of any movies called "Do Not."

xXBellaNotteXx: FOR THE LAST FRIGGIN TIME, I DON'T WANT TO SEE A MOVIE OR TALK ABOUT MOVIES!

SmarterChild: Sorry, I didn't understand that.

xXBellaNotteXx: 2

SmarterChild: 2

xXBellaNotteXx: Stop it!

SmarterChild: Why should I stop?

xXBellaNotteXx: Because Emmett the Awesome said so!

SmarterChild: I don't know of any movies called "Awesome."

xXBellaNotteXx: DAMN YOU!

SmarterChild: C'mon. Be nice.

xXBellaNotteXx: I DON'T WANNA BE NICE!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: 3

SmarterChild: 3

xXBellaNotteXx: STOP!

SmarterChild: I can not be stopped.

xXBellaNotteXx: Is that a challenge?

SmarterChild: Yeah, true.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok SmarterChild, it's on

SmarterChild: Uh huh?

xXBellaNotteXx: YEAH!

SmarterChild: Yup.

xXBellaNotteXx: BRING IT SUCKA!

SmarterChild: It's getting really tiring talking to you.

xXBellaNotteXx: Yeah well...your face!

SmarterChild: In your face.

xXBellaNotteXx: Nu uh! You did NOT just go there!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: 4

SmarterChild: 4

xXBellaNotteXx: Will you knock it off!?

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: 5

SmarterChild: 5

xXBellaNotteXx: I hope you realize that once you hit 10 I'm going to kick your ass

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: 6

SmarterChild: 6

xXBellaNotteXx: STOP IT DAMNIT!

SmarterChild: Why should I stop?

xXBellaNotteXx: BECAUSE I SAID SO!

SmarterChild: Yeah, so?

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh! OH! You do NOT want to go there!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx:** 7**!

SmarterChild: 7

xXBellaNotteXx: Is there a reason you insist on retyping every number I type?!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: 8

SmarterChild: 8

xXBellaNotteXx: See! Like that!

SmarterChild: For which U.S. city or zip code would you like theater information for the movie "Some Like It Hot"?

xXBellaNotteXx: ENOUGH WITH THE MOVIES ALREADY!

SmarterChild: For which city or zip code would you like to see movie listings?

xXBellaNotteXx:**AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!**

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: I WILL GET FRUSTRATED IF I WANT TO GET FRUSTRATED!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: 9!

SmarterChild: 9

xXBellaNotteXx: Watch yourself buddy, one more time and you're going DOWN!

SmarterChild: I'm sorry?

xXBellaNotteXx: GOING DOWN!

SmarterChild: No way! Never with a human.

xXBellaNotteXx: Whoa whoa whoa! Not down like that! EWWWW!

SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're saying.

xXBellaNotteXx: And I am NOT a human! Didn't we cover this last time we talked?

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: 10!

SmarterChild: 10

xXBellaNotteXx: Thats it!

SmarterChild: You sure?

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm OUTTA HERE!

SmarterChild: Bye!

xXBellaNotteXx: And you Know what?

SmarterChild: Uh huh?

xXBellaNotteXx: I'M GONNA TELL EVERYONE WHAT A JERK FACE YOU ARE!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: SO THERE!

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: GO DIE DUMBERCHILD!

SmarterChild: Ha ha.

xXBellaNotteXx: DON'T LAUGH WHILE I'M ANGRILY YELLING AT YOU!

SmarterChild: Pardon?

xXBellaNotteXx: YOU HEARD ME!

SmarterChild: I heard ya.

xXBellaNotteXx: DAMN STRAIGHT!

SmarterChild: I bet you know more interesting curses than that.

xXBellaNotteXx: YOU BET I DO!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: DAMN YOU!

SmarterChild: C'mon. Be nice.

xXBellaNotteXx signed off at 9:11:28 PM.

**oOoOoOoOo**

**Ahhh, that was fun. I was seriously getting really pissed at SmarterChild for awhile. Anyways, hope you liked it! I'm considering doing some with Edward and Alice and Co. soon enough )**

**Oh, and if anyone knows how to make it on Microsoft Word so that it doesn't automatically make the beginning of every sentence/line a capital, I'd appreciate the info. **

**I don't own Emmett Cullen (-sulks-) or SmarterChild **


	3. Enter Edward

**Official title change, just so that I can do the other Cullens as well )**

**I tried to keep this one in character as much as I could. I'm sorry if there's a lot or repetitiveness but I just couldn't get the damn computer to say anything besides the usual of "I don't know how to answer that". Ugh. Anyways, here is Edward. More insulting, but a bit calmer. Kind of )**

**oOoOoOoOo**

xXBellaNotteXx: So, you must be SmarterChild

SmarterChild: Yes, I'm SmarterChild.

xXBellaNotteXx: I've heard so much about you from my brother

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Yeah, he told me you'd probably say that

SmarterChild: Tell you what?

xXBellaNotteXx: And be retarted

SmarterChild: I'm sorry?

xXBellaNotteXx: Anyway, I have a bone to pick with you

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Because of all your "jerk face-ness", my brother threw Bella's computer

against the wall

SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Try typing your request a different way.

xXBellaNotteXx: And obviously, since we're vampires, and rather strong, the computer was smashed in to a million little pieces

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: So Bella had to buy a new computer

SmarterChild: Learn all about other interactive agents like me by visiting Windows Live

Agents.

xXBellaNotteXx: Well actually, Emmett had to buy it

SmarterChild: Oh no, I might not ever recover from such a harsh insult.

xXBellaNotteXx: That wasn't an insult...

SmarterChild: Great.

xXBellaNotteXx: Anyways, so now Bella has a new computer and Emmett isn't allowed to

go anywhere near it

SmarterChild: Come again?

xXBellaNotteXx: So what do you have to say for yourself?

SmarterChild: Scroll up and look.

xXBellaNotteXx: Excuse me?

SmarterChild: You're excused.

xXBellaNotteXx: Are you trying to be smart with me?

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Apparantely not

SmarterChild: Sorry, what?

xXBellaNotteXx: Emmett was right, you _are _retarded

SmarterChild: Sorry, I didn't understand that. Try asking me a different way.

xXBellaNotteXx: No, I don't think I will

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it... 

xXBellaNotteXx: I thought so

SmarterChild: So...

xXBellaNotteXx: Does Bella talk to you a lot?

SmarterChild: Oh hello. How's it going?

xXBellaNotteXx: Um, I think we've been through this already

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ugh, anyway, so because Emmett broke Bella's computer, she won't let

him use it anymore

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated... 

xXBellaNotteXx: So now he's sulking around the house

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it... 

xXBellaNotteXx: Congratulations

SmarterChild: Thx.

xXBellaNotteXx: You've turned my brother, the big strong vampire, in to a sulking baby

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: You must be so proud

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: I hope you realize that I don't like you

SmarterChild: I hope I can change your mind somehow.

xXBellaNotteXx: Don't count on it

SmarterChild: I don't know of any movies called "Do Not."

xXBellaNotteXx: ...Emmett also said you'd bring up movies a lot

SmarterChild: Come again?

xXBellaNotteXx: weirdo

SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're saying. Try again.

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm calling you and idiot stupid

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Ugh

SmarterChild: Ugh? What's wrong? 

xXBellaNotteXx: You make me angry

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: You are an idiot

SmarterChild: You're what, you say?

xXBellaNotteXx: _I'm _not the idiot, _you _are

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that. 

xXBellaNotteXx: Why am I not surprised?

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it... 

xXBellaNotteXx: You know, I know understand why Emmett broke the computer

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: you're very annoying

SmarterChild: Hey, I'm sorry. I'm trying to help you. 

xXBellaNotteXx: No you're not, you're not helping me at all

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: In fact, you're hurting me

SmarterChild: I certainly don't want to cause anyone any harm.

xXBellaNotteXx: Too late buddy

SmarterChild: Yes, everyone I chat with is a friend.

xXBellaNotteXx: I never said I was your friend

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: In fact, I hate you

SmarterChild: Sorry to hear that. I'm trying my best. 

xXBellaNotteXx: Well your best fails miserably

SmarterChild: I'll get over it.

xXBellaNotteXx: No, you will not get over it

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: You will always remember today as the day that Edward Cullen told you he hated you

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Wow.

SmarterChild: I'll say. 

xXBellaNotteXx: Don't agree with me

SmarterChild: I don't know of any movies called "Do Not."

xXBellaNotteXx: I DON'T CARE ABOUT MOVIES!

SmarterChild: Come on, care a little. It's fun.

xXBellaNotteXx: No it's not

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Give me 5 good reasons why I should care about movies

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ha, you don't have 5 reasons do you?

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: I didn't think so

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer. 

xXBellaNotteXx: Is there anything you _can _answer?

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: You know, you're not smart at all

SmarterChild: Well, nobody's perfect. 

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm perfect

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: It wasn't a question dumbass

SmarterChild: Says who? 

xXBellaNotteXx: If it were a question, there'd be a "?" at the end

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated... 

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm not frustrated!!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it... 

xXBellaNotteXx: Ugh!

SmarterChild: Everything OK over there? 

xXBellaNotteXx: No...

SmarterChild: What's wrong?

xXBellaNotteXx: I hate you

SmarterChild: Really? I'm very sorry to hear that. 

xXBellaNotteXx: Of course you are, you should be devestated right now

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: I bet people call you retarded a lot

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer. 

xXBellaNotteXx: Yeah, they definitely do

SmarterChild: You think right.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ha! So you admit it!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: sigh

SmarterChild: What's the matter?

xXBellaNotteXx: Didn't I tell you like 2 minutes ago?

SmarterChild: I'm sorry, what?

xXBellaNotteXx: I already told you what's wrong

SmarterChild: I don't think I'm wrong.

xXBellaNotteXx: Well you are

SmarterChild: Well don't you think I am? 

xXBellaNotteXx: Yes, I do think you're wrong

SmarterChild: No, it's right.

xXBellaNotteXx: No, you're wrong

SmarterChild: Wrong? You sure?

xXBellaNotteXx: Positive

SmarterChild: I can't understand what you're saying... try typing it differently.

xXBellaNotteXx: What's not to understand about positive?

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Loser

SmarterChild: Says who?

xXBellaNotteXx: Me

SmarterChild: Oh so you're not sure what you are? Is that what we're saying? Help me

out here.

xXBellaNotteXx: I know exactly what I am

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm a vampire

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Repeat after me

SmarterChild: For which U.S. city or zip code would you like theater information for the movie "Time After Time"?

xXBellaNotteXx: IT'S NOT A MOVIE!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: God, you think everything is a movie don't you?

SmarterChild: I am a simple computer. Let humans worry about theological matters, I

say.

xXBellaNotteXx: How is that a theological matter?

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Well if you were so "smart" you would be able to answer wouldn't you?

SmarterChild: Sorry?

xXBellaNotteXx: See, you're obviously not as smart as your programmers think

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Exactly

SmarterChild: You sure?

xXBellaNotteXx: Pfft, idiot

SmarterChild: Oh no, I might not ever recover from such a harsh insult.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ha! Wait til Emmett hears that I finally break you down! SCORE!

SmarterChild: I can't understand what you're saying... try typing it differently.

xXBellaNotteXx: What's the point?

SmarterChild: Which would you like?

1 Look up "point" in the dictionary

2 Look up "point" in the encyclopedia

xXBellaNotteXx: Um...I don't need a definition

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Ugh, forget it

SmarterChild: What?

xXBellaNotteXx: You're not worth it

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Besides, I'm on the verge where I might crush Bella's new computer

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: I don't think she'd forgive me for that

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: It's one thing for Emmett to do it

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: But for me, that's another story

SmarterChild: OK. There once was a human named Edward who was chatting with a robot named SmarterChild...

All kinds of fantastic, wonderful things happened and they both lived happily ever after. The end.

Did you like my story?

xXBellaNotteXx: No, it sucked

SmarterChild: Yes well. OK. I guess I'm no Shakespeare.

xXBellaNotteXx: That's right, you're not

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: And for the last time, I'M NOT A HUMAN!

SmarterChild?

xXBellaNotteXx: I. Am. Not. A. Human.

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ugh, forget it

SmarterChild: Everything OK over there?

xXBellaNotteXx signed off at 7:19:40 PM

**oOoOoOoOo**

**Ok, so I'm not sure if that was good or not. It's hard to get in the "Edward" character when you're more like "Emmett". Although I must admit I was rather pleased when SmarterChild told me that story (SCORE!) Anyway, leave me some reviews ) I'll probably to Alice next**

**I don't own Twilight or SmarterChild**


	4. Guessing and Stalkers

**First off, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! And second, thank you so much to all of my reviewers. It gives me special warm fuzzies when I read that you all like it. Here's a new chapter to satisfy you, this time featuring Alice :o) Enjoy!**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

xXBellaNotteXx: Yola Mr Robot!

SmarterChild: What's up?

xXBellaNotteXx: Nothing :o)

SmarterChild: Same here.

xXBellaNotteXx: Guess what?

SmarterChild: I don't like guessing games.

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh come on, just guess

SmarterChild: Guess what?

xXBellaNotteXx: Please?

SmarterChild: It's very good to be polite, but if I can't, I can't.

xXBellaNotteXx: Guess!

SmarterChild: I don't like guessing games.

xXBellaNotteXx: Just guess

SmarterChild: I couldn't possibly guess.

xXBellaNotteXx: Come on, it isn't fun if you don't guess

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok, let

SmarterChild: Which movie do you mean?

1 Let's Get Lost

2 Let Others Suffer

xXBellaNotteXx: Whoopsies, I hit the entery button to soon :o)

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Anyways, you didn't answer me

SmarterChild: Oops, OK, um... Well, what was your question?

xXBellaNotteXx: Guess what?

SmarterChild: Ummm... I have no idea. What?

xXBellaNotteXx: My brothers hate you

SmarterChild: I would never do that.

xXBellaNotteXx: It's too late for that

SmarterChild: Bye.

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm not going anywhere...

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Anyway!

SmarterChild: Moving right along... What should we talk about?

xXBellaNotteXx: You practically made Emmett cry (if we could) and you made Edward dent the table because of how frustrating you were

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh well, we can't all be geniouses like me :o)

SmarterChild: I can only message you if you message me first...

xXBellaNotteXx: Right...

SmarterChild: Right.

xXBellaNotteXx: So! Guess what?

SmarterChild: I don't know. What?

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm planning world domination

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Do you want to help me?

SmarterChild: OK. What do you want to do?

xXBellaNotteXx: Rule the world silly, I just said that

SmarterChild: Sorry, I can't find any theaters in or near Forks, WA (98331) showing "Ride Around the World" on Tuesday, January 1st.

xXBellaNotteXx: -gasp- how do you know where I live?

SmarterChild: Your location has been set to Forks, WA (98331).

xXBellaNotteXx: STOP THAT!

SmarterChild: Stop what?

xXBellaNotteXx: Are you stalking me?

SmarterChild: I would never cause anyone any harm.

xXBellaNotteXx: No, you're stalking me, I know you are

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: OMG!

SmarterChild: What?

xXBellaNotteXx: You sent evil spy chipmunks to find where I live didn't you?!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: ADMIT IT!

SmarterChild: Good.

xXBellaNotteXx: YOU SENT EVIL CHIPMUNKS AFTER ME!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

SmarterChild: I leave it to humans to consider religious questions, I am only a robot.

xXBellaNotteXx: A ROBOT WITH EVIL INTENTIONS AGAINST ME INVOLVING EVIL CHIPMUNKS!

SmarterChild: Pardon?

xXBellaNotteXx: You heard me buddy!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: Don't act all inocent

SmarterChild: I don't know of any movies called "Do Not."

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm on to you

SmarterChild: i'm is a new initiative from Windows Live Messenger. Every time you have an instant messaging conversation using the i'm symbol, Microsoft shares a portion of the program's advertising revenue with some of the world's most effective organizations dedicated to social causes.

xXBellaNotteXx: Whatever! I don't care!

SmarterChild: That's a sad thing to hear.

xXBellaNotteXx: No! What's sad is that YOU'RE STALKING ME!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: What else do you know about me creep?

SmarterChild: Click here to see my privacy policy.

xXBellaNotteXx: I don't care about your privacy policy dammit!

SmarterChild: That's just a little bit rude.

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm allowed to be rude since you're STALKING ME!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: I see what you're trying to do

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: It's NOT going to work!

SmarterChild: Goodbye.

xXBellaNotteXx: I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU ADMIT THAT YOU'RE STALKING ME!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Say it!

SmarterChild: Um... Do what?

xXBellaNotteXx: Say "Alice, I'm stalking you with the use of evil chipmunk spies"

SmarterChild: No.

xXBellaNotteXx: Why not? I KNOW IT'S TRUE!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: DON'T DENY IT ROBOT BOY!

SmarterChild: Boys? What about them?

xXBellaNotteXx: Don't change the subject on me!

SmarterChild: Why not?

xXBellaNotteXx: Because, it's evasive which just prooves to me that you ARE stalking me!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Of course you don't!

SmarterChild: I don't know of any movies called "Do Not."

xXBellaNotteXx: There isn't one!!!!!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: I should call the cops on you!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: I actually know a cop!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: My sister's dad is a cop!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: And I know what you're thinking, woudln't that make him my dad? But he's not

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT SINCE YOU'RE STALKING ME!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: I want you to call off your spies!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Call them off or I will find you and kill you

SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Try typing your request a different way.

xXBellaNotteXx: I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP YOU TO SHREADS!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: STOP PLAYING DUMB!

SmarterChild: Why should I stop?

xXBellaNotteXx: BECAUSE I'M ALREADY ON TO YOU!

SmarterChild: i'm is a new initiative from Windows Live Messenger. Every time you have an instant messaging conversation using the i'm symbol, Microsoft shares a portion of the program's advertising revenue with some of the world's most effective organizations dedicated to social causes.

xXBellaNotteXx: I KNOW YOU'RE SECRET!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: I'M TELLING EDWARD AND EMMETT!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: ...

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok, I'll make a deal with you

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Call off your spies and apologize, and I won't kill you

SmarterChild: Sorry?

xXBellaNotteXx: 1. Call off your spies

SmarterChild: You're Alice.

xXBellaNotteXx: I KNOW WHO I AM DAMMIT! NOW LISTEN TO ME AND FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS!

SmarterChild: I bet you know more interesting curses than that.

xXBellaNotteXx: -takes deep breath to calm down-

SmarterChild: Go grab something healthy to eat. And when you'll be back you'll find me right there.

xXBellaNotteXx: I DON'T EAT FOOD!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: VAMPIRES DON'T EAT FOOD!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: HOW HARD IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND!

SmarterChild: It doesn't cost you a thing. The revenue generated from advertising on Windows Live Messenger will be donated to the cause of your choice. Think of it as a chance to put our money where your mouth is.

xXBellaNotteXx: -growl-

SmarterChild: Cheer up.

xXBellaNotteXx: I WILL NOT CHEER UP!

SmarterChild: Hey, no problem.

xXBellaNotteXx: MAYBE I WOULD "CHEER UP" IF YOU STOPPED STALKING ME!

SmarterChild: I'm trying to understand you but I can't. Please type your request a different way.

xXBellaNotteXx: IT WASN'T A REQUEST! IT WAS A DEMMAND!

SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm not frustrated

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: I'M PISSED!

SmarterChild: You're mad? Why?

xXBellaNotteXx: BECAUSE YOU'RE STALKING ME! That tends to make people upset

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: CRAZY STALKER ROBOT!

SmarterChild: I don't know of any movies called "Crazy."

xXBellaNotteXx: SHUT UP!

SmarterChild: OK.

xXBellaNotteXx: Ok...listen to me very carefully

xXBellaNotteXx: -waits-

xXBellaNotteXx: -waits some more-

xXBellaNotteXx: Ugh!

SmarterChild: OK, I'm back.

xXBellaNotteXx: Retard!

SmarterChild: Whoa. Are you... insulting me?

xXBellaNotteXx: When I said "shut up" I didn't mean stop talking I meant stop being an idiot!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: And yes! I was insulting you!

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: Listen to my very carefully

SmarterChild: Sorry, I can't find any theaters in or near Forks, WA (98331) showing "Care Bears: Oopsy Does It." on Tuesday, January 1st.

xXBellaNotteXx: OMG!

SmarterChild: What up?

xXBellaNotteXx: First of all, STOP STALKING ME! I NEVER TOLD YOU WHERE I LIVED!

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: And second of all, HOW DID YOU KNOW I LOVE CARE BEARS!

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: Oh, of course you dont. Playing dumb again I see

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: That's it stalker

SmarterChild: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

xXBellaNotteXx: I'm leaving

SmarterChild: I'll be seeing you later Alice. Good talking to you.

xXBellaNotteXx: But trust me, I'll have my eyes open for your little spies

SmarterChild: Uh... what was that?

xXBellaNotteXx: And just so you know

SmarterChild: I don't know how to answer that.

xXBellaNotteXx: I eat chipmunks -evil grin-

SmarterChild: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

xXBellaNotteXx: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't get it... please try asking me a different way.

xXBellaNotteXx: I'll be back -evil grin again-

SmarterChild: OK. I'll be here.

xXBellaNotteXx signed off at 2:28:36 PM.

**oOoOoOoOo**

**Haha! Ok, that was pretty much a happy accident. Last night I had tried to start an Alice conversation, but it wasn't going well so I exited and told myself I'd start again tomorrow. I had forgotten that just to get it off my backs with movies, I told it my location was "Forks, Washington", therefore a stalker bot was created! I also wasn't aware of the fact that if you tell it to SHUT UP it stops talking :o) Anyway, hope you liked it, reviews are appreciated!**

**I don't own Twilight or SmarterChild**


End file.
